Thursday, October 26, 2006

Boyfriend? Or not to Boyfriend? That is the Question!!!
1. In your mind, where does the dating age begin?
2. Do you think a friendship between a boy and girl would last longer as boyfriend girlfriend or as just friends, OR does it matter???
3. For all of those 18 and under, have you ever asked a girl/boy out? At what age? and WHY?
4. Last, what will you and do you look for in a friend?
(boy for girls and girl for boys.)

I, as a teenage girl, have other teenage friends who are (or at least WHERE) all into the boyfriend girlfriend stuff. One friend, not name'n names here, wrote me an long e-mail one time explaining how she and this boy she likes where ALMOST boyfriend and girlfriend. AND that they might be SOON. How she told him that she like him. How he reacted. How he huggged her. How she was so sure thins was it. And my sister and I wrote back about saying HOW SHE WAS ONLY 12 YEARS OLD!!! I am going to copy and paste (Yes, I got my friends permission!) the letter I sent her on here. I am only changing were it says his and her names. I hope then you can see where I come from with this subject.

Hi (Friend),
and Joe this time.
Not (nickname) this time, I'm talking to (friend). What? Did I read wrong? Why (friend)? What happened to (FRIEND)? What you wrote down below is nothing like me, or YOU! (Boy) is just a boy. B-O-Y. You are a G-I-R-L. Still young. I think of it this way:

You are young for only a few more years. Don't rush growing up. Having boys as friends is to just hang out with and (say you are me for a moment) make movies and play music. Do everything you would do with (Friend's friend) or ME. Why would anybody want to grow up to fast? I like being young, goofy, full of action.....I don't talk with my friends about guys or "flirting" or who's "hot." I talk about who's gonna run through the sprinkler first, or how good that song we just heard is, or how it feels so good to be a kid, free of adults' work, and free of adults' worry. Free of grown-up pressures. I suggest you talk to your mom about (Boy) and your feelings. It's not like (Boy) is marriage material!!! Ew! And I seriously doubt that you are ready for marriage, right?!?

When I heard of your situation, it reminded me of a song that you showed me. I thought of this song whenever you spoke of (Boy).

Hold On By Nichole Nordeman

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle It will find you at the needle's end It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow It will follow you into a stranger's bed It will find you when they serve you with the papers It will find you when the locks have changed again It will find you when you've called in all your favors It will meet you at the bridge's highest ledge So baby don't look down- it's a long way The sun will come around to a new day So hold on Love will find you Hold on He's right behind you now Just turn around And love will find you It will find you when the doctor's head is shaking It will find you in a boardroom mostly dead It will crawl into the foxhole where you're praying It will curl up in your halfway empty bed So baby don't believe that it's over Maybe you can't see 'round the corner To hang between two thieves in the darkness Love must believe you are worth it You're worth it

Joe's right, this song is right. Listen to the chorus at its deepest meaning.

So hold on Love will find you Hold on He's right behind you now Just turn around And love will find you

Hold on....Love and being grown up will come, when God wants it to....God's right behind you all the time. Turn to Him. Don't walk on a tight rope when there's fire beneath. I don't mean to hurt you're feelings or anything but we care about you and your choices. When we saw what you wrote, it kind of made us feel like we needed to at least say something. Who else will? Your mom would be at great help.

I thought about saying something to you before, but I didn't think you would make that choice.

Even though you saw it as good, imagine how God would look at it all.
I have hugged, shaken hands with, talked to , walked with, and just hung out with guys before. BUT as a friend, not like what you might picture. I think that friends should be friends. No more. Maybe you can find some other cool kids, boys and girls, who agree with this. Maybe you'll make some friends. You can always come to me for advise and I will try my hardest to answer.

We don't expect you to agree right away. Just think about it. And no matter what your choice is, we love ya!

Your friends forever,
and Joe

P.S. Remember, any teenage boy that thinks a 12 year old girl is "hot" needs to have his head examined, no matter how cute she is. Don't fall for it.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting.
Teenaged boys: n. (teeen aaajed boweeez) 1. One step above ape.

(NO affence GUYS!!!! We just wanted to cheer her up with a joke. SORRY!)

Anyways, when the time comes, you will find LOVE.
Also, I don't believe in dating. I believe that when the time is right, courtmanship is much better.
I have a few BOY FRIENDS (note the space.) We are just friends and they know that. Also, if a guy or girl dosn't agree with you on this, they are not worth being close friends with anyways.

Now rethink those questions and let me know if you have any questions.



Daisy girl said...

I have a question.
Have you ever had any friends under age 12 WITH a bf? Or maybe more then one, two, or even three?
Just questionig.

Austin said...

Yep, there's a serious problem with the modern way of finding a spouse.

For most people, dating is two things, in this order:

1) Having most of the pleasures of marriage without any real committment or deep companionship.

2) Finding out if someone is the one you'll marry

If anything, these two should be in opposite order, and some people exclude the second one altogether. That's pointless.

Personally, I don't think dating is a good idea at all - especially before you're ready to get married.

Consider this:

There's nothing you can do with a girlfriend/boyfriend that you can't do with them if they're just your friends except physical stuff, which belongs only to your spouse, and romantic emotional stuff, which also belongs only to your spouse.

Dating should be called Divorce Training 101.

Lanna said...

I almost forgot you.... I can't think of any off the top of my head. I'm sure there is one. If I had a close friend who got into the whole thing (like on my post) I would tell my friend exactly what I believe (said in my post.) If they don't respect that you don't like what they are doing,and that GOD dosn't either, then you should tell them that you don't want to hear about it anymore and try to avoid the whole BF/GF thing tottaly.


Lanna said...

Most of my outside family believe in dating.
The part where you said that you can do anything with a boyfriend/girlfriend that you can do with a friend, I believe. I always have to think:
"I have friends that are guys!!! They have friends whom are girls!!! But people are to self-minded to listen.


At the rock concert I went to this summer I saw a girl who used to be a friend of mine. She's my age. I hardly reconized her because she dyed her hair red and she was a little heavier then I remember....Anyway, she was there with her "boyfriend." He had about 6 diffrent pieces of metel jabbed in his face. On the last song, their they stood, she in front of him, his hands in her front pockets and hers in his back ones. They rock back and forth like doves in a tree. I gag now....

Again, this is normal to the American person. I and one of my male friends are in a play together and are planning for him to come teach me and some other friends how to draw (he's the best 15 year old artist I have ever have seen) Thanks for your input.
One more thing that I believe one should look at before they even CONSIDER "going out with" or whatever you do is:

Make sure this person respects your beliefs and your inputs on the relationship. It's muchly important.


Celeste McGrath said...

THANK-YOU for posting this! I have a cousin in a very similar situation as this girl was...and what you have written is so true, and I'll see if I can get her to read this post.

Great work! Thanks. God Bless!

Daisy said...

She was your age?
Yes, this is a very commen problem with kids all over. In schools, in churches, and in activitys such as soccer, drum lessons...ect.

I only remember some of your questions now,

1)(do boyfriend/girlfriend relationships last longer than a regular friendship?) Most likely a no. Girlfriend/boyfriend relationships end more quickly than friendships.
Which meens...well that brings me to your other question

2) (when dose dating -in your min- starts.) In my mined, It's defenatly not twelve! (as the girl you talked about on this post.)
There is not necisarily an age you have to be. Usually it's OK for teens to date at 18, but if you don't want to marrie this pirson you want to date, It's not a good idea to date.

Lanna and austin,
What do you think about this?

Did you say "hi" to her?

Daisy said...

yes, the reson why I asked if you had any friends with boyfriends or girlfriends under the age of 12 is because I do! And plenty of them.
I want to encurage them and tell them that they are too young and they need to break it up! I thought maybe I could coppy/paste your letter on this blog to send to my friend. She needs to know that this is not gods will, and as a christain I want here to act like one, and be an example to other non christians.
Is it OK with you if I coppy and paste this letter to my friend? I'll make little changes, of chours.

Lanna said...

You may use the post. I want as many people as I can get to read my note. I don't like to see kids like this.

Spread The Word!


Daisy said...

Ok thanks Lanna. =)

Austin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Austin said...

When I was public-schooled, I knew many people under 12 who had boyfriends/girlfriends.


Since you asked what I think, here goes nothing.

You're right that 18 years old is much better than 12 for dating, but I also think that the dating system itself is seriously flawed no matter what age someone is. There are better ways. Have you heard of courtship?

Here are some links for anyone interested:

What's Wrong With Dating?

Dating vs. Courtship

The Modern Courtship Process

Or just google "Joshua Harris" or "courtship" and you'll find a lot of good info.

Lanna said...

That's right.
I also, as my post states, believe that courtship is the way to go. It is hard to avoid dating.
Thans austin, for those sites. I now have something to give to others who want to know the more christian way of going about dating. Courtship is as good as it gets.


Austin said...

Of course, as Joshua Harris points out in his book Boy Meets Girl, it isn't what you call it that matters, it's what you do.

What I mean is this: There are probably some people who practice courtship, but call it dating, and there are definitely people who practice dating, but call it courtship. The word isn't important, but the principle is. I prefer to say courtship because it almost always refers to the better principles.

Lanna said...

you shouldn't court with someone at such a young age. If you read about it, you shouldn't want to until you are older (18, 19, 20, 21...)

Relationship is not something you try to create. Most times it starts with good friendship. It later rolls into being even better friends with a person (JUST FRIENDS still!)Then when time comes, and you and your friend and that close in friendship....courtship.

This doesn't mean that you can make a friend with a guy or girl and expect to marry them.....this all comes without note. You may have more then one guy friend, like me. Just don't think of them like "I might marry this guy" cause you most likely won't. This doesn't even pop in your head if you are just being friends to be friends. Do you get it?

Austin, you must have read that book by Joshua Harris, huh? I would like to hear more if you have some time. Thanks...


Austin said...

I haven't read the book, but I've read interviews with the author about the book, and I know someone who's read it.

Lanna said...


I see. That's ok because you have studied....that's good. You are one of few guys I know that knows about courtship.


Austin said...

I don't remember where I heard of it, but I remember doing lots of internet study on it for about a week, and since then I've just retained it.

Lanna said...

I heard of it from stories of people lond ago. THat was their way of going about this too. I wanted to learn more, so I studied a little here and there. Was Joshua Harris the one who wrote a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (I think that's what it's called.)


Austin said...

Yep, that was the book that put his name on the courtship scene.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I was on Lanna's HSB blog and She posted this exact same thing on it. She gave a link to this and so I decided visit it again. To my surprise, I found that You guys had commented a few after I had stopped checking this post.
Even though you guys won't probably ever check this post for comments again, I just wanted to answer and give a few pointers. So here it is.

Sense I had told my friend(s) that she/he needs to back off with this whole BF/GF thing, they basically told me that it wasn't "cool" to NOT have a boyfriend. I agree in a way. It is not "cool" to have a boyfriend when your still young in this world... because everyone does. But if someone told you to smoke pot, what would your answer be? Some people call smoking pot "cool," but does that make it OK OR cool? Nope. Same thing with intament relationships too early in life. So why say "no" to one, and "yes" to another? It doesn't make enough sense.

(Lanna,)I don't think it's true to not want to think about a intament relationship with the opposite sex till you 18 or over. How do you prepare to be a wife and mother when you are not learning the ways of a husband and his responsibility and the responsibility of a wife/mother? I think instead of 18, I think it should be 15. Gives you a few years to practice the responsibility and the love and everything else she and he has to learn to be for being husband and Father, a wife and mother.

In the old testament teens were married all the time. It's not that they shouldn't think about it, at least nowadays, but that we should DO it so young nowadays.

Right. I don't really support dating either. Courtship is and will forever be the best way to go.

Lanna, I totally agree with you.
all the boys or girls you meet in your child hood will most likely not be your future spouse. And even if it is, friendship is the very best way to go before you become boyfriend and girlfriend.

And think of it this way.
Whoever you are dating at a young age will not be your spouse (99.99% of the time) in the future, so why have an intament relationship if your just going to break up with them a little later? People do this all under the name of "fun." But it's not good. Smoking pot can be "fun" but it's not GOOD and what is BEST for you.
too many Intament relation ships at a young age will guarantee to mess you up, and I'm not talking' in a small way.

Anonymous said...

In the old testament teens were married all the time. It's not that they shouldn't think about it, at least nowadays, but that we should DO it so young nowadays.

Um there was a mistake. I ment It's not that they shouldn't think about it, at least nowadays, but that we shouldn't DO it so young nowadays.

Some call me Lanna. said...

I agree that you should prepare for it, but I don't think that you should prepare for it with a sertain person. Being responsible and becoming an adult that way is fine and dandy. It will help you when your on your own and will help with marrage and stuff, but I do think that it's not OK to "pretend" to live that adult life with some guy (or girl) before you're ready. That's what NOT to think about. Or think about doing.


Anonymous said...

See what I meant by that (gee that's old...) is that it's not a wrong thing to enjoy the fact that love will soon happen, if God is willing, to give us a partner. We just need patience, not to screw around with people that we will soon look back and regret every minute of it. When we are in marage, all's we want is the memories of your spouse. Why would we want anyone else?

I'll finnish this comment comment later just a second.


Anonymous said...

*Finishing comment.*

I used to be as involved as some of my friends who have gone out with guys way too much at ten and eleven. In fact I almost did go out with someone but (like in this post) my friends helped me see what was wrong, with rather a scary awakening with the the truth behind the dating fad, and I figured out some things over the last year or so. People only do dating in the name of fun. Guys have no intention on marrying girls at 15. Let's face it, girls. So if you ever think about that you can put that thought away because that doesn't happen. What guys want is fun, NOT the responsibility of a house hold, job, and everything else that comes in the package. If they "love you" it's because you're funny or because your beautiful, boys won't purpose for a while, so girls just CHILL! Don't fall for it.

Aaaanndd, if you are interested in someone but want to keep it friendship for now, by all means! Just remember in your head, it won't help you to have it now, and it may cause severe problems in your future.

About courting, I actually used to think it was ridiculous, but I can understand where our parents are coming from. Sometimes dating is dangerous and we need to respect and not just respect but try to agree that this is the best thing, because there's more room for temptations when you're totally alone with a person.

Anonymous said...

I was just looking back at this post and...whoa. I can't spell and I have terrible metaphors. Lol. Gotta start somewhere. I speld " meant" "ment" and you spelled "totally" "tottaly"